Disappear Orlean (orlean) wrote,
Disappear Orlean
orlean

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Where the fuck did all of this optimism come from?

I probably had the best conversation thus far with one of the people I least expected to talk to. That’s right, Toni’s boyfriend Nathan. By the end of the conversation I felt a sense of euphoria that left me feeling enthusiastic and even a little confident in myself, which, was precisely what I needed to muster enough energy to start studying law and politics again. What left me awestruck was the fact we talked for an hour nonstop without any pauses. For the first time in my life I was able to swiftly type a somewhat compelling discussion without having to stop and take time to formulate “the perfect” subject, and not once did I endure the word purgatory I’m normally cursed with.


short_n_cute51 (10:21:41 PM): Hello Adrian. This is Nathan again. Toni told me to tell you that she wanted to go to bed, so you're right... she
short_n_cute51 (10:21:53 PM): oops! is in bed. Sorry!
elitist_fag (10:22:03 PM): Okay, thanks.
short_n_cute51 (10:22:57 PM): No problem! See you tomorrow. HAve a good night. It's time for me to do 7 chapters of my Medical Assisting homework now. ;_)
elitist_fag (10:23:30 PM): Goodluck on that.
short_n_cute51 (10:25:24 PM): Oh, thanks! I feel lucky that I was even able to get back into college, and I have a 4.0 after 3 months and I love the coursework too, even though there's been a lot of it lately. It's worth it just to get out of Burger King after 2 1/2 years and make a future for myself and a decent life for my family.
elitist_fag (10:25:50 PM): What college do you go to?
short_n_cute51 (10:26:37 PM): I go to Remington College, which is a technical school on the Southside. It is a branch of Tampa Tech, and was formerly called Education America.
elitist_fag (10:27:51 PM): Oh, nifty. I'm hoping for a better future than Burger King myself one day. With an attitude like yours you're bound to succeed.
short_n_cute51 (10:29:33 PM): Thank you! I need all the encouragement I can get sometimes, as it is hard to work full time, go to school, and take care of a family and a house too. I just plod on, confident in my skills and ability, and sit back and wonder how I do it all. I love it!
elitist_fag (10:30:46 PM): I'd say that was an accomplishment in it's own working full time. I can't imagine college added on to that.
elitist_fag (10:31:11 PM): I guess I'm lay though.
elitist_fag (10:31:27 PM): My key's missing. Grr, I hope you understood that.
short_n_cute51 (10:32:04 PM): It's not really that hard to do, other than where Toni and I used to be together 24 hours a day, it is significantly reduced. She supports me all the way.
short_n_cute51 (10:32:21 PM): Yeah, I understood that.
short_n_cute51 (10:33:17 PM): I wouldn't say you're lazy! You do a hell of a lot more work than most people there, including myself at times!
elitist_fag (10:33:41 PM): Really? I feel like I'm the only one not working.
short_n_cute51 (10:34:14 PM): And to top it all off, you're INSANELY fast on front boards, which is absolutely amazing considering the relatively short time you've been there.
elitist_fag (10:34:41 PM): Well, my screwing up makes up for that.
short_n_cute51 (10:35:16 PM): Don't say that! You work, and you're often in critical stations, and you do your job quite well. What more do they want for what we get paid?
short_n_cute51 (10:35:57 PM): Don't worry about accuracy right now. As time goes on, accuracy improves; especially for someone with your speed.
elitist_fag (10:36:43 PM): Hopefully.
elitist_fag (10:37:05 PM): I always thought I was "in the way" whenever I help other people on boards though. Haha.
short_n_cute51 (10:38:25 PM): I guess my best advice is that you do your best at what they have you do, and remember, IT'S ONLY BURGER KING; we're not working for the Feds or a Fortune 500 company here!
elitist_fag (10:39:04 PM): I just think it's pretty sad I can't even do moderately well at fast food, but I get what you're saying.
short_n_cute51 (10:39:37 PM): I wouldn't say you're in the way at all! That's partially my fault, as I am very posessive of boards, since I have had some truly sorry people actually get in my way in the past.
short_n_cute51 (10:41:04 PM): Like I said, Adrian, don't worry about BK! I know that you are brilliant, and I can see you going a WHOLE LOT further than where you are now. It' just takes some more time and diligence; you already have more than enough intelligence!!
elitist_fag (10:41:27 PM): Well, sometimes it is just easier for me to do all of that by myself because I'm too scared to ask where the person is at and stuff. I can see why you're possessive.
elitist_fag (10:42:21 PM): Hah, I find that hard to believe.
elitist_fag (10:42:26 PM): But thanks.
short_n_cute51 (10:43:18 PM): My being posessive comes from truly inept people, not from a person like yourself who is timid. I've met some of the dumbest people ever, while there, and you certainly aren't in that group!!!! ;_)
elitist_fag (10:43:50 PM): Well, I hope not. Haha.
short_n_cute51 (10:44:00 PM): It's not hard to believe at all! Just keep on keepin' on! It just takes some motivation and some faith in yourself.
elitist_fag (10:46:42 PM): It's hard to have faith when everyone's taking a jab at an already bruised ego, but I try. If only I could get a little better, then I'd feel more confident with what I'm doing.
elitist_fag (10:47:31 PM): I'm probably popping up while you're trying to study. Haha, my apologies.
short_n_cute51 (10:47:46 PM): Believe it or not (MOST LIKELY NOT ) I used to be just like you are now. All that it took for me to morph was to get so damn mad that you snap and start telling people what they've told you, and what I mean by that is, TELL THEM OFF!!
short_n_cute51 (10:48:37 PM): I've got plenty of time to study. I'm far more interested in our conversation right now.
elitist_fag (10:48:48 PM): I'd hate to make anyone feel the way I feel, even if it is deserved sometimes.
short_n_cute51 (10:50:56 PM): But, you just wouldn't believe what telling people off does for yourself. It gives a way to vent, which reduces stress, and people respect you for the fact that they won't be able to run over you. When you're intelligent and always academically correct, people remember that.
elitist_fag (10:52:06 PM): My mind goes blank in person. I'd love to act the way Randal does in Clerks, but I'm not that witty unfortunately.
short_n_cute51 (10:52:53 PM): What I mean is is that for someone as smart as you are, you always have the right answers, and if you tell people the correct information, whether or not they are bungling idiots, they are impressed by your intellect and ability to defend yourself or your position.
elitist_fag (10:54:28 PM): That sounds more like arrogance than being right, at least if I did it. What if I go on and on about being right only to end up being wrong? Very ego shattering. Hah.
short_n_cute51 (10:54:45 PM): Sorry! I'm not familiar with Clerks, but I get the idea. I'm sure that you've seen how I can act sometimes, and I think it's a perfectly valid action. It's either use you head and cuss people out, or "go Columbine" as I call it, which is completely senseless.
elitist_fag (10:55:36 PM): You should check that movie out then. It's absolutely hilarious.
elitist_fag (10:56:07 PM): Actually, now that I think of it, they sound kind of like you and few others at work sounds.
elitist_fag (10:56:16 PM): a*
short_n_cute51 (10:56:30 PM): See that's the thing though. When someone's as smart as you are, they tend to be wrong VERY infrequently. And when you are wrong, just admit it. Either way, you get to be seen as a force and voice of intelligence.
short_n_cute51 (10:58:12 PM): I appologize for my behavior to you because you don't deserve it, but those people who have pissed me off and do deserve it are usually my first targets. Believe it or not, I'm the exact opposite at home!
elitist_fag (10:58:19 PM): I think when someone's self-esteem has been obliterated so many times they forget how to do anything. Basically, I'm selectively dense around people.
elitist_fag (10:59:16 PM): And yes, a few times where I'm actually right I wonder if letting the other person believe they're right will get them to just shut up. It works.
short_n_cute51 (11:00:01 PM): Give yourself some time. I can promise you that (well at least in my case) you just simply have to get so mad that you explode, and once you've exploded the first time, each consecutive time is that much easier!
short_n_cute51 (11:00:46 PM): I often find though, htat the voice of reason and intelligence must be heard, so I'm a big proponent of telling idiots off.
short_n_cute51 (11:01:40 PM): I have a saying: I HATE STUPID PEOPLE, and between the customers and some of the crew, stupid people are all we've got there.
elitist_fag (11:01:42 PM): I feel morose before animosity, so I'll end up bursting into tears way before I ever explode. And that's a sign of weakness, a big sign that says, "Hey, you! Yes, you! Step on me more!"
short_n_cute51 (11:02:56 PM): I guess that my be part of the difference between men and women. Be it inherit or social, I can understand what you mean.
short_n_cute51 (11:03:28 PM): ooops! Inherent, I meant.
elitist_fag (11:04:10 PM): Haha, I didn't notice that actually. I'm usually a good grammar nazi too.
short_n_cute51 (11:04:40 PM): I come from a long line of them!
elitist_fag (11:05:47 PM): Haha. That's the only thing I'm proud of and it actually scares people off more than not talking.
short_n_cute51 (11:07:08 PM): See! There's what I'm talking about! BE PROUD of your intellect, and use it and correct/impress others with it. It's undeniable that intelligence is respected.
elitist_fag (11:07:53 PM): It's easier for my mind to work more coherently when I'm not facing others. Besides, I have all the time in the world to formulate sentences with a keyboard.
short_n_cute51 (11:09:31 PM): Where was I? My can stepped on my keyboard and closed the IM window! ;_0
elitist_fag (11:09:44 PM): Haha.
elitist_fag (11:10:13 PM): That's destiny telling you to stop wasting your precious minutes talking to me.
elitist_fag (11:10:23 PM): elitist_fag (11:07:53 PM): It's easier for my mind to work more coherently when I'm not facing others. Besides, I have all the time in the world to formulate sentences with a keyboard.
short_n_cute51 (11:11:05 PM): Oh! I remember! I don't personally think that being perceived as haughty is a bad thing if you've got the goods to back it up, which, in this case would be intelligence.
short_n_cute51 (11:11:32 PM): Destiny schmestiny! Take you time! I'm in no rush!
elitist_fag (11:12:38 PM): Another pet peeve of mine is when people think they're intelligent and they're, well, not. I'm afraid I'd be in that category if I were to play the right or wrong game with anyone.
short_n_cute51 (11:13:49 PM): I can certainly understand the propensity for the computer. The world is a mess, people suck and are rude, and the safety is in the fact that you can edit your communications on the screen.
short_n_cute51 (11:15:52 PM): Don't let that scare you. Simply be in the right game in the first place. One of my areas of expertise has been medicine, so you must just simply develop and use your expertise in your particular specialty, and use it to the nines.
short_n_cute51 (11:16:48 PM): Toni says you want to go law, so when the time is right, use your immense knowledge of the law.
elitist_fag (11:17:43 PM): I'm not so avid about something that I know it. I'm interested in politics and law, but could I tell you much about it? Probably not. I only read about it and never memorize long enough to use it in an everyday conversation.
elitist_fag (11:19:00 PM): One of my goals is to be a walking dictionary full of law and politics, but until then I'm merely a socially inept retard with very little going on her life. That'll change one day though. Hopefully.
short_n_cute51 (11:19:31 PM): That's understandable with law, because people generally don't need legal knowledge unless they're in trouble with the law. Medicine is different because poeple are always sick in some way, so it comes into daily use much more often.
elitist_fag (11:20:00 PM): But people talk about politics.
elitist_fag (11:20:02 PM): A lot.
short_n_cute51 (11:20:43 PM): Retard?! Certainly not!!!!!!!!!!! Don't be so hard on yourself. I wouldn't say socially inept either, you are social, just in your own way.
short_n_cute51 (11:21:38 PM): True, politics are hot topics, but politics and law in this country are growing further apart day by day. It's kinda' sad.
short_n_cute51 (11:24:14 PM): Well, I guess I'm going to get going. I'd be excited and interested to continue this conversation soon! Take care and see you tomorrow.
elitist_fag (11:24:30 PM): Alright, goodluck with the studying.
short_n_cute51 (11:24:41 PM): Thanks! Later.

I'll hopefully eradicate the awkward, socially inept kid I currently am with a little more understanding in the subjects I'm pursuing a career out of. Personally, I shouldn't ever be afraid of being wrong, I should be afraid of being so arrogant that I can't ever accept being wrong and learning from the opponent as an alternative to losing. But right now I seriously would crack, so I'm going to try taking each step at a time until I ultimately succeed.

Wait a minute. Where the fuck did all of this optimism come from?
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