Disappear Orlean (orlean) wrote,
Disappear Orlean

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well, good morning to you too.

i went into a cleaning frenzy last night where i proclaimed aloud to inanimate objects, which, might i add, was rather dusty, that i’d no longer let myself go to hell anymore.

if anyone took the above sentence literally, please take the time to shoot yourself in the head. i hate it when people can’t read through wordplay. then again, maybe i’m not too good at it. what do i know? i’m tired. that’s my justification for such incoherent juxtapose.

but anyway, i seriously did clean my room. it took two garbage bags full of cans, plastic plates, and god knows what to evacuate the trash in my room. how i even allowed my room to get this messy is beyond my comprehension, but i must say it reminded me of six months ago when i had no job, no friends, no acquaintances, absolutely nothing to turn to but subordinate online friendships with little or no strength to keep the days ticking. i was at the lowest point of my life at sixteen years old. i resembled that of a forty-something year old man who lost his wife and children to infidelity--and yes, i’m describing my uncle john right now.

so, i got a job. i decided laying comatose in bed, spending days in slumber, and nights in lament was rather melodramatic now that i was old enough to work. i was a loser. had i gone any longer without taking those baby steps things would’ve only gotten more intense for me. i guess what i’m trying to say is the only times i’m not organized and well kept is when something tragic is happening, and i guess i unknowingly let my room fall apart because of my grandmother’s cancer. cancer is the exact culprit that delayed my academic quest four years ago as well.

i just can’t let things ruin my life anymore, as cold and selfish as that sounds. and this entry is a mess i’m too lay to fix tonight.
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