Disappear Orlean (orlean) wrote,
Disappear Orlean
orlean

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Headache-inducing black and white blotches of text.

It seems the ability to write concise and stimulating entries has plummeted into the depths of hell since god knows when. Well, I’m sure it’s always been the circumstance, but I remember a point in my life where I actually wrote halfway decently without the need to lacerate sentence after sentence to get my point across. What once was pleasurable is now obligatory headache-inducing black and white blotches of text that makes absolutely no sense. I just don’t get the picture. I use to be such a virtuous writer. I even wrote poetry for God sakes.

All these years I’ve dedicated myself to writing with the stamina of being an abstract thinking novelist. Now I’d rather dump the fiction books for a concrete thinking career in law. Not only that, but my idea of fun is not writing or reading fiction books anymore, it’s studying mathematics. Let me please elucidate my deep and sincere hatred for mathematics right now for those of you that don‘t know me.

HATEHATEHATE!

I’ve transitioned from wanting to be an artist to a money-grubbing yuppie and I‘m not sure if this is really what I want.

I don’t know why attending the best law school in the nation is so important except the fact it’s impressive and extraordinary compared to, say, going to a community college in Jacksonville, which unfortunately is the only option I have at the moment. It’s not like going to Harvard or Stanford denotes my intelligence. If anything, the most intelligent people I’ve ever met either ended up dropping out or never going to college, but if that’s true, why am I about to blow my brains out over spending two years minimum at a community college?

What am I turning into? That’s all I want to know.

I’m not even sure how this entry turned into yet another nonsensical blather about everything but what I intended the entry to be about. I guess I have so much on my mind right now.

Over a week ago Toni invited me to go Christmas shopping with her and Keisha, and I agreed, thinking I’d still be ongoing the liquid fast feeling high and elated from it. Instead I felt disconsolate from failing my fast after four days, aghast with how I looked, and determined to cancel the event irrespective of how Toni or Keisha felt about it. I figured I got away with not going since she hadn't called yet. I was wrong. She showed up anyway in spite of my obvious attempts of avoiding her. Never in my life have I befriended such an implausible mix of persistence and deliberation bottled up in one person. I never thought I’d actually like that in someone until tonight either.

In a condensed nutshell, we went to Wal-Mart to pick up her son’s bicycle on layaway, stopped by Best Buy and got Nathan cartilage for the printer, and last but not least, ended up at a tattoo parlor with a homey atmosphere and mooching cat on Timuquana Road. So, tonight went well despite not being able to wear my usual glob of eyeliner.
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