Disappear Orlean (orlean) wrote,
Disappear Orlean

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Money dilemma.

I’m thinking about buying an outfit for the anticipated job interview that might come across my path in the near future. The rest shall be left to the bank’s hands for safekeeping. If I continue having this amount of money in such easy reach my money will dwindle away from four hundred thirteen to a mere twenty bucks again. And to think I was able to save responsibly when I was younger actually boggles my mind. I swear I’m growing-down instead of up sometimes.

Then again, having that extra cash saved up seems to attract my family members like flies to feces. I bought my brother two hundred dollars worth of games for his birthday, you know, trying to be the thoughtful sibling not many brothers even have, and he decides shutting himself away from me is a superb way of showing his gratitude. I know he’s thankful, but he never shows it in the way most people do and it infuriates me at times because no matter how much I try to make him happy, he just doesn‘t seem to notice or care. And what’s so worrisome is the fact I’m starting to emulate every mother in the world by treating him like he’s my son. I wish I’d let go and let him make his bed now.

Speaking of mothers, there’s my mother. Sometimes seeing her fuming in rage makes me want to eradicate my savings account and do this and that for her to prevent from having to hear her carry on about how much her life sucks. I’ve seriously spent at least $800 just on food within the past six months because she didn’t feel like cooking and if I didn’t, well, my jobless nineteen year old brother would be forced to nag about how much he hates hotdogs and how he’d rather starve. Doing those small little favors ends up being very detrimental for someone who’s trying to save up for educational purposes and works dismal hours as it is.

I’ve sort of avoided the logical side of getting a second job. Not only will it probably effect the little hours I have at Burger King, it’s going to leave me with no spare days for my grandmother. It’s not working more hours I’m concerned about, it’s the fact Burger King gives me twelve hours a week and sections them into more days than necessary. If I’m going to work twelve hours, I’d much rather work longer shifts and not waste so many days, so I can work at Subway and visit my grandmother regularly. The schedule is now becoming too spontaneous and getting smaller every week.

Then, while I deal with the dilemma of little hours, Brittany's getting thirty hours a week and it fills me with so much animosity, not really towards her, but towards myself. If I could only be like Brittany or like Katie was, then I wouldn’t even be having this situation to deal with. All the stuff I don’t know would already be known, and the little hours wouldn’t be so little anymore because I would say something about it to Bud constantly. That’s their personalities: aggressive and confrontational. That’s something I could never be.
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